I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time jumping back into this space. I want to write about the kids and mothering and all the wonderful little things going on…but something holds me back, it feels suddenly sort of vulnerable, when it’s never felt that way before. I don’t know.
I’m reading a book on nurturing boys and another on breaking the bonds of entitlement. That should give a window into what goes on behind closed doors. I’m craving wisdom and knowledge and as many resources as I can get my hands on these days.
Today the boys played outside, rode bikes in the driveway and we made a trip to the park. We did a few counting worksheets, we watched a little Curious George, we weeded the garden and they made a huge mud puddle while I chose to look the other way.
But they also unloaded the silverware from the dishwasher and got their own shoes and cups of water. They picked up sticks for me in the backyard, fed the dog and I even had Jack help me pick up dog poop. I am refreshed and thankful for their help as the evening winds down instead of exhausted and a little frustrated. They were so proud of themselves and I was legitimately grateful.
I think the books are helping.
Scarlet is in my most favorite baby stage ever. Happy, interactive, yet mostly immobile. She is moments away from officially crawling. She can sit up from a laying down position and has started to try to pull up on things. She is endearingly sweet and even a little silly. She LOVES attention and will screech and squawk at you from across the room until you acknowledge her. She has a beaming gummy smile for just about everyone.
She turns into a screaming tearful mess when she gets overtired. We are learning this the hard way, pushing her happy self to the brink of exhaustion. We pay for it ten fold at 3am, so we are trying to be more aware of her need for sleep. Ironic that I never would have let Jack or even Luke skip a nap or stay up past bedtime. Poor third child.
I’m not working much these days. A little freelance project here and there, an article in our local magazine and that’s about it. It’s weird how this was always what I was striving for and yet as I step farther and farther away from ‘working’, I realize just how how much my identity is attached to working. Which is laughable because my ‘career’ isn’t much to write home about to begin with.
Anyway, all this to say, there’s been a lot to think about. Shifting my perspective and opening my mind and heart in so many new ways. How to raise boys…shoot how to just understand boys a little better. How to mother to the very best of my ability. How to let go. How to embrace and celebrate each new season of life.
We had some family photos taken a couple of weeks ago in honor of Aaron’s grandmother’s 75th birthday. They make me laugh and smile for a 100 reasons, but mostly because I love that we finally have a (decent, non-hospital room) picture of the five of us. Our completed family. It makes me happy every time I look at it.