Kinder Transition

Well.

The day finally arrived.

Kindergarten.

One of those cheesy lines about your heart walking around outside your body would be appropriate right here.

It was just so…hard. Good hard, a little yucky hard, but as the week goes on, a little better.

There were tears. A few from him, mostly from me (after I dropped him off…I at least made it to the parking lot). It breaks my heart into a million pieces when he curls up in a chair and begs to not have to go. But today he was ready, no tears, and he played on the playground before school like a boss, lining up for the teacher when the whistle blew.

Luke, Scarlet and I walk home a little forlorn, feeling tangibly that we are missing a crew member.

We watch the clock, Luke asking several times throughout the morning if it’s time to pick up Jack. Finally, the morning winds down and we head out again. This week we’ve had it easy, just half days. Next week the full days begin.

We are greeted by a happy boy. He is thriving already.

And my grief over missing him and worrying about how he’ll spend his days loosens just a bit. So many tiny moments of tender grace already sprinkled throughout our week. Encouraging text messages and phone calls from friends. The discovery of a new friend just down the street. Warm afternoons to play and swim and just be. A kind teacher who is understanding of high-maintenance worried parents.

I saw a bumper sticker a week or so ago that said ‘Fear Not’ with a verse attached (I can’t remember the actual verse. whoops). And at first, I didn’t give it a second thought. People’s religious or political opinions displayed on their vehicles don’t usually get a rise out of me, but for some reason I found myself thinking about that bumper sticker all week.

And now I’m laughing, because I hope the lady that plastered it to the back of her SUV knows that somehow that sticker actually did some good. Because, for me, it’s been this wonderful freeing reminder that I don’t need to worry. I just don’t.

So I’m trying to pray when I start to worry. And then I laugh a little to myself because I think of the bumper sticker and then I pray a little more and all of a sudden I remember that everything is going to be ok.

Jack will be ok. Our family will be ok. Whatever comes: the good and the bad, because there’s no escaping any of it, we will just take one day at a time. And in the midst of the grind and the hard, whether its the good hard or the yucky hard, we’ll just do our best to ‘FEAR NOT.’

Five

Jack is five.

This picture sums him up to a T.

Guns.

Cowboy boots.

Outfit change number 13 for the day.

Random contraption/invention made from tubberware and hooked to his belt.

Creativity + intensity + gumption = Jack

I get to these annual birthday posts and I’m at a loss. How do you sum up the wonderful complicated emotions that come with watching your children grow and change?

I want to remember though.

I want to remember the cowboy phase, the hunting phase, the soccer phase and the biker phase. I don’t want to forget all those crazy questions floating up from the back seat.

I want to remember the shyness and the worry about new situations, but even more, I want to remember all those little moments of bravery when he tried something new or accomplished a task he didn’t think he could do.

I want to remember what a self-starter he is and an even better helper. He is good-natured and eager to please.

I want to remember drawings and letters scratched out on any spare paper he can find, tiny pieces of paper cut into shapes and made into maps or business cards or some other ‘work’ that he deems ever so important. I want to remember duck blinds in the backyard, endless bike riding in the driveway, learning to ski, legos for days and the way he sticks his tongue out when he concentrates.

It’s cliché but so true…it’s going too fast. Everyone keeps telling me time will only speed up and that kills me. The days are hard sometimes. Oh man, they are SOOOO hard some days. But even that hard day we had yesterday, or maybe it was the day before that, I can hardly remember. All I can think about is that my baby is five and yesterday he was wrapped in a blue blanket lying on my chest and now he’s this big, huge, amazing, incredible little boy.

Happy birthday my sweet boy. I love you to the moon and back a million times.

Snapshot Life

Holy bananas…all three kids are napping at the same time. This is a rare and wonderful phenomenon that rarely takes place at our house. Cue the chorus, I’m ready for my hallelujah song. This mama needed 30 minutes of quiet solitude.

Anyway…

I’ve taken to using Siri on my phone, to make quick notes when one of the boys says something particularly funny, interesting, or (mostly) random. They always ask me why I’m talking TO my phone. Technology is weird and awesome.

Luke has an imaginary friend. His name is Jason. He has a brother. You have to drive past Costco on the highway, past the ‘fence yards’ to get to his house.

Man I love this kid.

If you ask Luke anything about Jason, he’ll have an answer for you. He knows his friend well! Jason like to ride bikes, but not play at the park. He does NOT have a little sister. He also likes peanut butter sandwiches.

Jack: Where does Jason live?

Luke: By the fence yards, past Costco.

Me: What’s the fence yard?

Luke (waving vaguely out the window): Mom! You know! The fence yards! (Duh!)

Jack: Where is Jason right now?

Luke: In Sun Valley. He’s on vacation.

****

Jack is a boy of (typically) few words. He’s always been much more of a doer than a talker. So it’s not uncommon for us to have a few minutes of silence in the car here and there. From the quiet backseat Jack offers the following deep thought:

Jack: “The only place I don’t make naughty choices is the cabin. If I’m there, I only make good choices. But if I’m in Yakima, I’m going to be naughty.”

Me: Ummm. Ok. How come you don’t make naughty choices at the cabin?

Jack: It’s just way more funner up there. There’s no time to be naughty.

Me: Good point buddy.

***

A quick clarification. Scarlet doesn’t actually turn one until the 24th. She was a solid week overdue. There’s just something about the ‘due date’ that I hold onto (stupidly, obviously).

This girl hates bibs. If it doesn’t snap on, she immediately rips it off. Velcro bibs belong on the floor according to this little lady. She also does not like to be fed with a spoon. On a rare, very hungry day, she will relent on her spoon policy, but most days it’s a no go. This means, her tray looks like this most of the time. Also, I would give my left foot for someone to do my laundry for me. Seriously.

The walking continues. She’s gaining confidence and momentum by the hour. So fun and scary to watch.

Little Things

Just a couple of notes for my memory:

Jack

Recited Psalm 23 from memory as part of his end-of-the-school year preschool program. Loving that he learned scripture and a good reminder and encouragement to do more of that at home.

His hair grows so fast. It is floppy and falls in his eyes and as much as he needs a haircut, his wild hair gives him a tiny essence of being ‘little.’ It’s hard to give up.

Has developed hoarding tendencies. The kid fills envelopes, shoe boxes, forgotten cookie tins and anything else he can get his hands on with whatever the days treasures are. Scraps of paper, quarters, pens, little toys, a wayward sock, even my car keys. It is ALL important. It is all HIS.

Sports. All of them, all the time. Forever amen.

Luke

Dimples. Enough said.

Still wants to do all the things his brother does. Misses Jack when he’s at school and hates to be separated. Yet, fight like wild hoodlums almost constantly.

Loves green blankie and his thumb with all his heart.

His imagination has kicked into high gear. We listen to wandering random tales all day long. They could be about anything from the bulldozer we passed in the car to his brother getting in trouble the day before to what his cars/dinosaurs/Legos are doing that very second.

He stutters (a little).

Really loves riding his bike. Took a spin on Jack’s two-wheel (with Daddy’s help). It won’t be long now.

Scarlet

So cute it’s ridiculous.

Lots of babbling. Started waving. LOVES attention.

Crawling. Getting into things. Wants to be where her brothers are.

Has entered the human vacuum stage. Any stray piece of ANYTHING (dropped cheerio, small Lego, random piece of fuzz, MY HAIR) goes directly in the mouth. This is a particularly disgusting stage of babyhood.

Has many opinions. Is known to screech like a dying hyena and growl like a constipated bear. Is still cute.

Needs to sleep through the night, but mama is a lazy weakling.

Just a Regular Tuesday Night

You know the kind…where the baby has a blow out during dinner requiring an emergency bath after finding poop up to her ears. The big boys decide they want a bath, except one of them wants to wear their swimsuit.

And even though I wanted to say no, I said yes.

So everyone is happy for a few minutes, except you know, they are splashing EVERYWHERE and carrying on like soaked Ferrel cats. But, whatever, they’re happy, even though we feel like this:

But, (of course there’s a but), you catch sight of this happy little thing:

And all is right with the world again. Splashing be damned; that little smile, those eyelashes, the cheeks I could eat all day every day. Sigh…

Such sweethearts, all three of them. Little turkeys.

Time Management (or lack of)

Unstructured days are kind of my nightmare. Leave me with hours and hours of free time and I can guarantee you I will spend it twirling my hair, eating snacks and thinking all about what I’m going to get done (without ever actually accomplishing anything). Give me 20 minutes and you would be SHOCKED at what I can get done.

Am I the only pathetic person like this? (actually I know I’m not…I come by it genetically).

Combining my stellar ability to procrastinate and long days with small children and it can be tough for everyone. Winter and being cooped up left me feeling a little like a hamster on a wheel (some days I still do) and I know the boys were/are bored and agitated.

But here’s the even dirtier truth. I suck at playing. I do. I cannot get lost in an afternoon of super heroes and legos and matchbox cars. My brain just can’t get there.

Add to this a desire to do a few ‘learning projects’ on off-school days led me to create a routine for our days. It’s flexible, but on my chalkboard in my kitchen I have goals I want to accomplish with the boys every day.

excuse the terrible handwriting…I also come by that genetically

Ok. So this routine really helps me give the boys my undivided attention. It also helps us to work on numbers and letters, play games together (Uno, Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Memory, the occasional iPad game), do play dough or a craft and get the heck outside.

I am not perfect at this every day. But to have my chicken scratch writing in LARGE print staring at me all day holds me accountable.

I added baking because its something that happens around here a lot, but I’m not very good at letting the boys help me with. (The mess!) I also added chores because we are working on personal responsibility.

I wish I could write about how easy and happy and wonderful it all is. Truthfully, it’s a work in progress. Mostly for me…to be patient, kind, generous with my time, energy and encouragement.

We really do have a lot of fun together, but it’s always so hard to paint an authentic picture of our days. I want to remember what these days of raising little people was REALLY like. It’s this complex jumbled up mixture of happiness and tension, bliss and frustration….getting lost in a moment and counting down the seconds until nap time. It’s so very good and downright hard all in the same breath.

But a routine…oh a routine, it’s exactly what this procrastinating sleep-deprived mama needs (and so do her kids).

 

Family Time

We spent two weekends ago at Schweitzer Mountain in North Idaho.

The drive up was rough. Scarlet was screaming in her car seat, not the kind of whining, fussing that you can tune out, no, it was the shrill shrieking scream of a pissed-off infant. It sort of makes you feel like your brain is melting. Add to that a 4-year-old who has fallen deeply asleep only to start having nightmares (which led to more screaming), slick icy roads (did I mention we were driving at night?) and a couple of deer sightings.

Needless to say, by the time we arrived at the condo, Aaron and I were thinking maybe we had made a mistake (and also that we wanted a very large, very stiff drink). I mean honestly,who takes a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old and an infant to a ski resort?

But when morning came, and the sun was shining on the snow, we knew it was going to be a good day. And it really was.

Skiing clicked for Jack. It was SO fun to see him not just progress and learn new skills, but to really and truly enjoy being on the mountain. Aaron and I had so much fun skiing with him.

Aaron and I got to ski together for a few hours, we each skied with our boy and got some much-needed one on one time with him and I even got to take a few runs with just my dad. It was such a great weekend. There’s so much that’s hard about having little kids. But, these little windows where we are doing something together as a family, where everyone is happy and Aaron and I get to share with them something we love and in turn see them start to love it? Priceless.

And even, when on the drive home our transmission blew in our suburban and we had to watch it get towed off while we waited for a smattering of family to come and rescue us…it was ok. (stressful, frustrating, and ridiculously annoying, not to mention expensive….yes). But I think all those good vibes from the weekend helped us not completely freak out.

 

I know Luke and Scarlet won’t remember this trip and Jack’s memories will be hazy at best, but I love that from the very beginnings of their memories of childhood, they will (hopefully) have happy memories of our family having fun together. Traveling a little bit, going on adventures and just being together. Broken down rig or not.

Get it Together

Life feels a little blurry around the edges, a little like how the sky looks today, hazy with a few clouds and gray-blue sky peeking through. It might be the lack of sleep, it might be winter, its everything and nothing all at the same time.

Just when I think I’m finding my footing with three kids something tiny like a 5:30am start to the day knocks everything out of equilibrium and all a sudden I’m laying on the couch eating pilfered m&m’s from the potty-treat jar wondering how everything got so terrible.

Oh motherhood. No humblebrags in this corner, just lots and lots of humble pie.

Jack is officially dropping his nap. Which at almost 4.5 is probably a good thing (for him). Always my early riser, I had hoped he would sleep a little later, but it doesn’t seem to affect him in the least. I force a little quiet time on him in the afternoon, but gone are the days of quiet afternoons.

Luke is almost potty-trained. Until today when he peed his pants out in the yard and then dropped a turd on the patio. I rushed him to the bathroom and then went to clean up the mess when I discovered Rem took care of that for me. So gross. On so many levels.

Scarlet…or sweet Scarlet. She lives up to her name. She does not believe in third-kid status. She would prefer to be thought of as a first-born. She has opinions. Many of them. She is also teething and rolling, neither of which she likes very much.

I keep telling myself this is the week I’m going to ‘get it together’ and then I realize I’m probably not going to do anything but hang on for the ride for a long long time.

So it’s good to have m&m’s in the house.

Too Easy

    “What I can control is my breath, the steadiness of my step, my ability to choose my reaction along with a big dose of humor and grace.” 

 

I found this quote randomly on pinterest today and feel like I need to tattoo it to my forhead.

Life with little boys requires much grace and even more humor. And I’m learning, one humbling moment at a time, that while I can’t control their actions (seriously what is with the constant wrestling and farting and potty talk???), I can control my reactions.

I have much work to do. But this quote reframed this chaotic silly life in just the right way.

We can laugh together. We can be silly. We can take ourselves just a little less seriously.

 

 

 

Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls

I love making a big deal of birthdays. My parents always went big for birthdays and now I love doing the same for my kiddos. I wanted Jack to have a special breakfast and seeing as he’s typically the first one awake in our house, I was kind of limited on what I could prepare. It would need to be done in advance and be fairly easy to prep that morning (at o’dark thirty).

True to form, Jack was awake at 6:15am and Aaron and I were blearily singing ‘Happy Birthday’ from under our covers, opening one eye just enough to decide if we really had to get out of bed. We did. And we sang happy birthday again for good measure.

I prepped the cinnamon roll dough in my bread machine the night before and let them rise on a warm oven. The next morning, all I had to do was bake them for about 15 minutes and drizzle a little glaze on them while they were still warm. The bread machine makes this recipe ridiculously easy and we all loved them.

I’m thinking they would make a great treat for Thanksgiving morning.

Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls (adapted from Cooking Light:

• 1 package dry yeast (about 2 1/4 teaspoons)
• 1/4 cup warm water (100° to 110°)
• 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, divided
• 1/2 cup Pumpkin Puree
• 1/2 cup 1% low-fat milk
• 1/4 cup butter, melted
• 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
• 1 1/4 teaspoons salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• Cooking spray
• 3 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons chilled butter, cut into small pieces
• Glaze:
• 3/4 cup sifted powdered sugar
• 1 tablespoon hot water
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preparation

1. To prepare the buns, dissolve yeast in warm water in a large bowl; let stand for 5 minutes. Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups, and level with a knife. Add 2 cups flour, pumpkin, and next 5 ingredients (pumpkin through nutmeg); beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth. Turn dough out onto a floured surface. Knead until smooth and elastic (about 10 minutes); add enough of the remaining 3/4 cup flour, 1 tablespoon at a time, to prevent dough from sticking to hands (dough will feel tacky). If you have a bread machine, place ingredients in machine according to the machine’s instructions and set on dough cycle.
2. Place the dough in a large bowl coated with cooking spray, turning to coat top. Cover and let rise in a warm place (85°), free from drafts, for 45 minutes or until doubled in size. (Press two fingers into the dough. If an indentation remains, the dough has risen enough.)
3. Combine 3 tablespoons granulated sugar, brown sugar, 2 tablespoons flour, and cinnamon in a small bowl. Cut in butter with a pastry blender or 2 knives until mixture resembles coarse meal.
4. Punch dough down; cover and let rest for 5 minutes. Roll the dough into a 12 x 10-inch rectangle on a floured surface. Sprinkle with brown sugar mixture. (I just lightly coated the rolled out dough in softened butter and then sprinkled the cinnamon-sugar mixture onto the dough).Roll up the rectangle tightly, starting with a long edge, pressing firmly to eliminate air pockets; pinch seam and ends to seal. Cut roll into 12 (1-inch) slices. Place slices in a 9-inch square baking pan coated with cooking spray. Cover and let rise 25 minutes or until doubled in size.
5. Preheat oven to 375°.
6. Bake the rolls at 375° for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 15 minutes in pan on a wire rack.
7. To prepare the glaze, combine the powdered sugar, 1 tablespoon water, and vanilla extract in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk until smooth. Drizzle glaze over buns. Serve warm.